The Birthday I Really Wanted (and Why I Hope You’ll Try It Too)

my story on flipping the birthday script!

Did you know that you absolutely can decide HOW you want you spend your birthday?

You don’t actually have to wait for someone else to make a fun plan for you, you can decide what YOU want to do! (this has been really revolutionary for me the past few years)

This year, I decided to flip the script on my 41st birthday.
I told my husband and kids that I didn’t want any presents.
Instead, I asked for one thing: presence.

I wanted time—just a little, with each of them. So, I started to form a plan: five one-on-one dates across three days. One with every person in my little family. I “planned” each one based on what we love doing together, and the result was maybe my favorite birthday celebration ever.

In a season of life where family life is full and schedules move fast, this weekend felt like a pause button—a series of small but sacred pockets of connection. We didn’t do anything extravagant. Just meaningful.

Here’s what it looked like:

• [Camp, Age 13]: Since Camp is homeschooled, we had more “day time” together! We did some clothes shopping at Marshalls (where he danced in front of the security camera and it warmed my heart!), followed by lunch at Mod Pizza—one of our go-to spots. We finished with a Crumbl cookie for dessert. We had so much fun laughing, meeting new people everywhere we went, and dancing. Camp told me, “I love having time to hang out with you, Mom.”

• [Asher, Age 13]: Teenage girls are so fun! Asher needed new jeans, so we swung by Sonic for a happy hour drink on the way to the local mall. We walked and talked while we shopped, and it felt so nice not to be in a rush. Then we headed to another local favorite—Century Square—where we did more shopping and used some of my birthday gift cards. We finished our adventure with a casual outdoor dinner at Velvet Taco. I was reminded how great it is to just be together—without needing to talk about school or plans.

• [Rivers, Age 8]: Rivers and I’s “place” is a local smoothie bowl spot called Mamaka. They have indoor/outdoor seating, and she always picks the wooden hanging swing. We enjoyed our treats and laughed so much. We also did a little spring clothes shopping 1:1 at Old Navy, and she spent some of her allowance money at Target. It was such a treat to have her all to myself doing things we both love.

• [Ever Joy, Age 6]:Ever Joy is the easiest to please—she just loves going wherever I am! She tagged along for some Easter weekend errands, and we had fun making stops along the way: the pet store, the craft store, the book store (where she picked out a treat!), and finally a Sonic stop on the way home.

• [Stephen]: Since Thursday night is our usual date night, I got to choose the place! Lately, we’ve been keeping dates simple and low-key, so I wanted to kick it up a notch. We went to Casa Mangiano, a local Italian spot I’ve been wanting to try. We had intentional conversation, great drinks, and delicious food. Then, on the Monday after my birthday, we stretched out the celebration with a walk to a new neighborhood coffee shop, Toasted. It was peaceful and slow—just us, walking and talking. I love any time with him.

Each one filled me up in different and unique ways. I got to see their eyes light up in one-on-one space. I got to ask questions I don’t always make time for. I got to laugh with them, play, listen, and just be.

Birthdays don’t have to look like cake and candles and opening boxes. They can look like breakfast dates, store wanderings, silly games, or afternoon adventures. They can be shaped around what you love and who you love.

So if you’ve ever felt like birthdays are more about stress and expectations than joy—this is your gentle nudge. You get to choose how you celebrate. You can rewrite the rules. And sometimes the best gift isn’t a thing at all—it’s just time.

Pro tip: You can even tell your friends how you want to celebrate. You don’t have to wait on them, either.

For the past five or so years, my small group of girlfriends and I have gone out to eat at the birthday girl’s choice of restaurant—usually dinner, sometimes brunch. We all pool our resources to gift one bigger group present (usually a spa gift card!).

But this year, I flipped the script again. What I really wanted was to sit by a pool with lunch and drinks—so that’s exactly what we did. We picked a Sunday afternoon that worked for all five of us and spent time together!

For the gift portion, I had a conversation with one of the girls and shared that what would really bless me this year was something a little different. We’re in a season of reigning in our spending, so what I hoped for was smaller gift cards to places I love—just little treats, just for me.

They crushed it.

They created the most beautiful floral arrangement with a “gift card tree” tucked inside—cards to all my favorite spots for coffee, makeup, lunch, and more.

Birthdays can sometimes stir up disappointment or unmet expectations. But creating birthday celebrations that reflect me has drastically changed that. I feel so known, loved, and seen by the people closest to me.

I deeply desire that for you, too.

And if you’re curious, I’m sharing a little behind-the-scenes video of our one-on-one dates over on Instagram, and I’d love to hear how you would spend your birthday if you could choose anything. Please leave a comment below and tell me!!!